just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
