It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
