You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
be right there i have to get my cape
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
