He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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