OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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