Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Green mimosas i think yes
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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