do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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