Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
