Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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