I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
