i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
