i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
