I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
