i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
