Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
