Screwed.edu
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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