dude i'm inner monologue high
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
