why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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