If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
