I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Pooping to opera.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
