there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
