It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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