it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
