oh god the rape fog is back!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
