I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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