I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
