If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
