An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize