the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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