you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
