the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
