were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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