Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize