It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
