Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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