he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
