I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
