i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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