My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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