I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize