Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Someone signed my nipple.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
