Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize