Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have tasted many bathrooms
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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