God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
