im drinking this country out of the recession.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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