I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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