guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We had sex on a dog bed..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
