he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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