We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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