shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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