IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
