I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
