Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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