There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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