I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
