Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
