i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize