watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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