That's intense
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The beer is more important than you right now.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
