Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
