i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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