I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
