Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.

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(301): View more from Maryland

woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.

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(514): View more from Quebec

No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.

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(253): View more from Washington

So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...

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(703): View more from Virginia

Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.

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(516): View more from New York

I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.

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