You smell like a Billy Joel song
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
