just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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