I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
