When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize