is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
it glows. i had to have it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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