It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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