I wish I could punch you in the face.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
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