It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
