Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize